What if you are not meant to find your purpose?

What is my purpose? How will I know when I find it?

So many times I face this question within myself or in conversations with clients.  I sometimes feel like I have searched my whole life in search of my purpose and I am not sure if I have found it. 

Is it something I need to continue looking for or where could it possible be?

Is it in the work I do?

The relationships I have?

The way I look?

The titles or roles I hold? 

I want to say no and yet if it is not then where is it.  It feels like this mysterious thing that is hiding somewhere.   Waiting to be found. 

And so each day I go searching.  Each new endevour or new relatioship I wonder if I will arrive closer to my purpose. 

And I hear people say all the time I have found my purpose or I am living on purpose. 

And still I struggle with what that exactly means and I begin to feel a slight disconnection within myself.  What if I can’t define that for me or what if I don’t know exactly what that means for me? Immediately I place myself into comparison. What does someone else have that I do not and why?

And I wonder if I continue to spend my whole life searching for my purpose will it bring me any closer to it? 

Will I discover something new or feel something different?

I don’t have a guarantee this will happen.

All I know is that my constant searching of trying to define and identify my purpose has created some of my deepest suffering.   Moments where I have felt most confused and moments where I have felt most alone.   

And so I have chosen to soften the search and allow my purpose to find me.  

To stop searching in all the spaces and places of my life for purpose and instead to be present to the moments as they unfold.  

To feel into these spaces as a gift to my soul.  

Because maybe when I stop searching and when I stop looking it will actually just find me.  It won’t be this big reveal or this big next step.  

It will be this inner peace.  This silent contentment.  A sacred moment to moment unfolding. 

And so I give myself full permission to stop searching to stop seeking and to lean into what I desire moment to moment. 

Purpose for me now comes in moments.

A smile I receive from a stranger.   A meaningful interaction with a friend.   A silent walk in nature.  Early morning stillness.  The opening of my heart just one more inch.  

It isn’t a big thing.  A big reveal. 

Purpose to me is simply small moments and I don’t believe it is waiting to be found.