Taking Time to Intentionally Set Clear Boundaries

Why are boundaries so hard? 

It is easy to say I need to create a boundary for that or if I only had clear boundaries my life would be better. I get it we want to believe that if we position ourselves for success by adjusting our boundaries then everything else will be easier.

Boundaries can certainly feel like another thing to be fixed and they can also be an opportunity to get clear. 

The point of a boundary is not to create another  “should” on your list of things to do or accomplish.  A clear boundary is for you to maintain alignment and awareness with yourself.   It is a way to set yourself free and in turn you will also be freeing those around you, whether they know it or not.

The first step is to think about why you need or want a boundary? Is there something that is required to change or separation that needs to happen for you to feel more aligned with yourself?

A boundary is only necessary when we feel out of alignment with ourselves. 

Think about this with your finances, clients ask me all the time do I need boundaries or guidelines for spending? 
I don’t have a one sized fits all answer for that because some people may require a boundary and some may not.  If you are feeling numb or unaware of how you are spending money or you are feeling out of control, then a boundary could provide you with clarity. 

The biggest piece with boundaries is to be intentional with how we set them and to know they are not set in stone. Just like anything they can grow, evolve and change with time.

For example, I could set a boundary with my finances that says I will put away a certain amount of money each month and I will only spend “X” amount on going out this month.   This boundary could work for 3 months maybe even 6 months and then things in my life could shift.  I start to feel in control and more aware and then the boundary feels constricting to me. I am responsible for reevaluating my boundary and making a determination to change it if needed.  A boundary that worked 6 months ago might not be effective today and if I don’t change it I am creating a belief for myself that something is off limits when that is simply not true.

By not continually revisiting and reassessing our boundaries we can allow ourselves to believe we are not strong or clear enough to do something without it. This could simply not be true.

I invite you to use this week or month to revaluate your boundaries.

Write out your boundaries and then ask yourself why.  Do they serve a clear purpose for you or are there some you would like to change? 

Notice if you have a boundary that is actually not serving you anymore and how it could shift or change.