Diving Deeper into the work of Self

As we enter in the month of September I always get the feeling as if it is the last month to take action and to make big changes before the end of the year. 

I am not sure if this is actually true or maybe it is just a narrative I have created for myself over the years.

I have found over the years the more awareness I bring to my personal narratives the easier it becomes to dismantle them and to investigate what is actually real.    

Over the past four years I have been deeply engaged in work of my consciousness.  Personal work that has allowed me to go deeper with my thoughts.  To understand my patterns and behaviors and to always come back to the deeper intuitive knowing that exists within me.   This is an ongoing daily practice for me.  One that I choose day to day.   

I can remember clearly five years ago when I was engaged in one of my personal narratives that was overtaking my life.  I was working in a corporate job that I hated. Every day I would complain about having no purpose and no direction. I felt unfulfilled and couldn’t imagine my life continuing in this direction for another five years.  I also knew I was playing into the narrative of thinking that if I quit my job it would change my life.  I would find my purpose and all other things would fall into place.  I would be happy, I would find that perfect relationship I always wanted.   I would essential be free.  

And so I put this path into motion in September.  I had countless conversations with myself and with those I trusted around leaving.  What would it mean.  Where would I go?  What would I do?   I spent time contemplating what else I could do with my life.   What would give me meaning?  How would I find my purpose?   At this time I was teaching yoga and felt maybe this would give me my purpose.    And so a few months went by and December arrived.   I was ready to finally take action and to pull the plug.  And so on January 3, 2018 I said goodbye to my job, my career, and most importantly to my identity.  Who was I now?  What would I say when people asked me what I did? 

I was certain my purpose was waiting in my one way ticket to Kauai and my desire to travel the world and explore.    And so when I got on the plane January 12th I was excited and terrified.   My whole world felt bigger and my mind felt overwhelmed.  Who was I?  What would I do everyday?  Would I have enough money?  What made me happy? 

I embarked on exploration through Kauai for a month and then went to Mauai for another month and then I went to Australia and Bali, Dubai and back to New Hampshire three months later.  Three months of travel.   Of not knowing what was next.  Of exploring and seeing new places and meeting new people and of course finding my purpose right?   

The strangest thing happened when I came back.   I felt just as confused as when I had left.   I was not any clearer on what my purpose was.  I didn’t feel anymore joy.  I felt scared.   Maybe I had made a mistake.  How was I going to make money.  Should I go back to my corporate job?

At this point was when my real work began.  The work of my own consciousness.  The work of understanding myself fully and completely.   

It really did not matter whether I was traveling the world or in New Hampshire I could always come back to my own joy and my purpose was not something I had to continually be searching for.  This concept was my own wake call that I continue to revisit.

I will save you the time of moving through every detail over the past five years that have allowed me to expand my awareness and to move into a deeper understanding of who I am.   

What I do want to highlight is the assistance I was able to have in this process to allow me to move through these spaces.  To continue to take risks and to also have acceptance for the right now without any action.

During this time I started to do work with Carmell Clark under The Center for Transformational Influence.  The Core Self Discovery curriculum she has created offers the tools to dive deeper into this relationship to self and to cultivate a daily practice of self acceptance for choosing my life and taking personal responsibility.  This work is not a golden ticket and Carmell does not have all the answers.  What I found through this work is that I was able to trust and believe in my own answers.   To know fully for myself of what was possible and clear.   

What I continue to experience is clarity within myself.  A deeper trusting of my own power and knowing.   I deeper awareness to what my purpose actually is and I new awakening to what gives me meaning. 

I am passionate about this work and recently completed my coaching certification last year.  I continue to use these new tools with my clients and in the work I do and I am excited to be collaborating with Carmell and offering this work through her DIY program.   I will be holding a monthly membership group that will integrate the practices of this work in a way that is unique to you.  

We are officially launching in early October but will have a FREE intro session for you to join on October 4th if you are interested and want to learn more.   

I would love to share this work with you.   For you to discover the transformation in your self that you have been seeking.   For you to experience the power that comes from choosing your life again and again.    

I look forward to seeing you there.