Teaching myself to loosen the reins on Expectations

I have found myself coming back to this place so many times.  Having what feels like the same conversation with myself around expectations.  Expecting too much of myself, of others, or of the situation. Wanting things to turn out a certain way at the exact time that I feel I am ready and somehow it doesn’t always seem to work in that way.  

The illusion of control is pretty apparent and the more I allow myself to have the experience and to loosen the reins on my expectations the easier things become.  The question I have been asking of myself is how do I know it is working?  How do I know I am actually softening or allowing myself to move through an experience without an outcome or expectation at the end. 

I measure this by my own practice and my own observation of myself.  I have gotten really good at watching my thoughts, which I do attribute to a steady meditation practice.   Noticing when a thought is tied to my ego resulting in the creation of expectations.   It has to be continuous, I can’t think that I have mastery or that I have figured it out.  I must stay in that observation phase.

Over time I have noticed that my thoughts around expectations have become softer.  That I am not looking to outcomes or results as the answer.    

I am currently working on a new collaboration that I mentioned in last months blog and this is where I have noticed myself having a little more ease.  I haven’t walked into those typical reoccurring questions of will anyone show up or how do I know if this will work?   Instead I have been present to the experience.  Allowing myself to check in along the way and to trust the unfolding as it occurs.   I don’t have expectations of how many people will be there.  This has always been a big one for me.   

As if the number of people who show indicate how worthy I am?   The number tells me if I am enough and if what I am doing matters.

I have finally been able to call bullshit on this idea and actually believe it.   

To let myself be free from the idea that someone else determines my worthiness and my worth. 

This for me has been one of the most challenging beliefs to breakthrough as an entrepreneur.    To know my work, my thoughts, my creative process matters even if no one shows up. 

Getting to this point has required a combination of recognition within myself that the belief system exists and then taking directed action to want to change it.   I continue to have experiences in my life where I am required to trust myself exactly as I am.  To let go of expectations and outcomes and to be present to what is before me.  

My life is asking this of me again and again because I am conscious of it.

Expectations won’t disappear or go away so learning to handle my relationship to them is everything.