Personal Responsibility: The Gift that Keeps on Giving

As we officially make our transition into fall and the final push of the year I have spent some time in reflection.  To be clear about my intentions moving into the rest of the year, how I am choosing to move forward in my work, relationships and health. 

What I realized during this practice with myself was that I had a little more compassion for myself then I have ever had before.  I don’t know about you but for me I have often fallen into the category of perfectionism.  Of believing that if I did not accomplish everything I had intended then I must have failed or if I did not complete a goal in the right amount of time, then there was a problem. 

I can’t say I don’t feel that way anymore ever but what I can say it is that it is a lot less.  It is not my normal go to and I feel a little lighter and softer in accepting what it is.  I was talking with my mentor this week and I had this moment of reflection where I realized it was hard to describe this subtle shift.  The feeling that comes from letting go and trusting that things will come.  I have always found challenge with this.  Maybe it is because I am have come from a place of not believing certain things were possible for me or maybe it is because I have felt like I don’t deserve it.   Either way it has been there.  It has been present.  

It got me thinking when else in my life do I feel this softness and ease?

What came through first was when I can give to others. And in order to give to others from this space of softness and non-attachment I realized must learn to give this way to myself.

It got me thinking what are some of the gifts I can give to myself in the form of self awareness and personal understanding?

And what arrived was Personal Responsibility. Why is it so hard to take personal responsibility for ourselves. For our finances or our relationships or our choices?

Let’s face it we live in a world where blame is common.  Wherever you look in the news, online or in conversations you see someone blaming someone else for how things are. 

Blame takes away from the self.  It is a way to avoid taking an honest look at the self.  And if we are looking there were always be someone available to assign blame to.   

The opposite of blame is personal responsibility.  Taking personal responsibility for the self requires an understanding of the self.  And it requires an acknowledgment to identify where blame shows up.  Where am I blaming someone else to avoid taking responsibility for myself?  Where am I wanting to discredit someone else in a effort to build up myself?  When we take personal responsibility we are choosing to accept ourselves fully and completely.   To not choose to make ourselves the victim and to not allow someone else to be the reason for the outcome of a situation or circumstance.   

Taking personal responsibility is key in our own understanding of ourselves because it allows us to own our own life fully and completely and this is powerful.   When we take responsibility we take ownership of ourselves and our situation.  It no longer becomes a who can I blame game.  Instead it becomes a how can I own my own life fully and completely without games.

What does it feel like to own my own choices in all areas of my life.  To take full responsibility for my choices.  My financial choices, relationship choices and work choices.  All of it. 

I invite you to start to examine the ways in which you may not be taking personal responsibility as a start.  

When I started to walk down this path I noticed very quickly how often I was not taking personal responsibility.   How often I was allowing myself to be in the role of victim and to feel sorry for myself.  

What does it look like to take personal responsibility for your finances.  It means knowing where your money is going and being responsible for it.  So when you start to walk down the path with statements such as well if I didn’t have to pay for that or you have no idea what it is like to be me or they have it so much easier then me.  I invite you to pause.  Take responsibility .  What can you own for yourself.  The choice you are making right now.  How are you spending your money right now.  Do you know where you money is going and how much you have.  Owning where you are at is powerful.  Taking responsibility requires an honest awareness to your current situation.    And if you don’t want to take responsibility then own that as well.  Admit that to yourself instead of creating an excuse to avoid it. 

We can avoid taking personal responsibility by creating busyness or conflict in our lives.  I have noticed this for myself many times where I have wanted things to be different and I don’t take personal responsibility for the choices I have made.  I have examples that arise all the time. So Last weekend I choose to spend time with friends knowing that I had work that would be required to meet a deadline.  I noticed myself wavering between language of well I have to hang out with friends so I just don’t have time to do that.  Or I am so stressed and I don’t have enough time it is their fault.  Taking responsibility is different.  It means owning my choice and taking responsibility for the fact that I no longer have the time I thought I would have.  Owning my decisions and my choices and accepting where I am.    Not having any blame towards another or towards the situation.  

For many of us it can be a totally different way to approach our lives.    

What I have learned to be true is that when I take personal responsibility I empower myself.  I own my choices good and bad.  There is no longer someone to blame.  It doesn’t mean my choices and decisions are always perfect or there are not times when I wish they were different.  I accept all of them fully and completely.  I take responsibility for myself and I take responsibility for my life in each and every moment. 

I would love to hear what this looks like for you.  How do you know when or if you are taking personal responsibility?

Do you feel something different in your body?  Do you notice the language you use is different?   What are some indicators.  And with compassion can you identify the ways in which you are not taking personal responsibility.  The ways in which you could be blaming others?

So that is why I believe personal responsibility is the gift that keeps on giving. We choose ourselves and we give others full permission to do the same. There is no blame. It just keeps on giving.