Why Do we Self Sabotage?

I am bringing up a topic this month that I know most of us have probably come face to face with at some point in our lives.   Self Sabotage.   It is so easy for each of us to access and I know I have been there so many times in my life.   Things are going well and I choose to self sabotage it or things are not going well and I choose to sabotage myself.   Or the most common I am afraid or scared of what is to come and I have never experienced it before so I turn to my old friend self sabotage to remind myself that hey I don’t deserve that or I am not good enough for that.   

Let’s talk about the ways self sabotage often shows up along with the importance of having awareness and stillness throughout our own journey as a key to bringing us through self sabotage in a healthy and compassionate way.   

I know when I started my journey as a Yoga Teacher there was a lot of self sabotage occurring.   Starting with the statement there are so many yoga teachers out there and I am so new so why would anyone want to practice with me.   The most common way we can self sabotage when we are starting something new is to compare our experience to someone who has been doing it longer and is more experienced.  Right away we are setting up a standard that is not real.   Everyone is on their path and working off their own time line so to think that when you are new you will know as much as someone who has been doing it for some time is just not realistic.  There is also the most important component which is you are two different people.   There experience does not make them better it is simply their experience.   It doesn’t mean you won’t get to where you want to be or continually be improving.   During a time when we are starting a new experience it is so important to be mindful and aware of our own self sabotage.   It is the time when it is most heightened because we are uncomfortable.  We are in a space where things are new and we are learning.  Next time you are in this situation try to take a step back.  To notice the patterns that you want to turn to first.   Be aware of if those patterns are self sabotaging.  It doesn’t mean that you might not still turn to them but maybe you turn to them with awareness.  Try to be still so your awareness is clear from distractions.   The awareness is going to be the key to changing the pattern if you desire.  If we become aware enough times we are able to then make conscious change.  To ask ourselves why at a deeper level over and over and again and to listen for the answer.    

Most of our self sabotage comes from the deeper places inside ourselves that allow us to feel not worthy just as we are.   Which leads me to the second way self sabotage appears when things are going well and working.  If things are going well and working why would we want to self sabotage.  This is a great question and I know I am not alone in having this experience.   Part of this is because we may think we don’t deserve it.  This is often dependent on our belief system and experiences we have had and I believe is going to show up differently for everyone.  We could also be sitting with some fear to the unknown.  As human beings we seek comfort and the familiarity of what we know.   When new experiences arise we can not be predictive of the outcome and so it is easy to self sabotage as a way of avoiding moving forward.  Finding a way to convince yourself that once again you don’t deserve it or it is not for you is a form of self sabotage.  It prevents us from stepping into a new situation and actually experiencing it.   So with the example of  teaching yoga.  What happens when you do have the experience and you have been teaching for awhile and then you hear that someone didn’t like your class or maybe there is another teacher at your studio who people are praising and enjoying more.  Do you immediately move into a place of self sabotage?  Try to be aware of how it shows up for you.  Again don’t try to fix or change it right away just stay in the place of awareness for as long as you need to. You will know when you desire to move int a space of change.  This space is so important because often times we become our own barrier to moving into new opportunities or spaces.   Reverting to self sabotage can be what prevents us from stepping into a new opportunity filled with possibility. 

I think one of the common misconceptions is that when we have awareness we must fix it immediately and this puts a great deal of pressure on you and the situation.  Instead I would invite you stay in the place of awareness with compassion.  To hold space for yourself to observe yourself.    This is why I believe meditation and stillness is most important.  We require a quiet space to hear our thoughts and to notice our patterns with complete awareness.   To understand that this a learning process and that when it is time to make a change you will know.   Don’t try to make the process move any quicker than how it is currently moving.   There is never a rush to get to the end or to make it right.  There is something quite beautiful in allowing things to run their course in their own timing.

As you probably know we can also self sabotage when things are not going well.  This to me is the most challenging situation because it can be more challenging to hold compassion.  When things are not going well we can already be in a negative headspace.  Whether comparing to someone else or feeling inadequate.   Moving it to the space of self sabotage can happen quickly and can be harder to observe and in turn to change.   And if we can still find awareness in this space it can be extremely powerful.   Realizing in this space that it is possible to be aware and to still move yourself forward is empowering.   

Choosing to become aware of self sabotaging patterns or behaviors is instrumental as a yoga teacher and honestly as a human being.  When we can step away from self sabotage and move ourselves into a space where we can take conscious action we start to truly understand ourselves.  This to me is our job here.  Our path of self understanding and awareness is required for us as human beings. 

I would love to hear what you think.